I figured out that I have a harder time posting when I haven't seen Sam and her family in a long time. It's been almost six months which is the longest amount of time I've gone without seeing her cute face since the day she was born. There's a hole in my chest. I miss her.
I also quit going to "group" at LDS Family Services. Not for the same reason, but because I feel the girls there don't take it seriously. They sit and gossip and talk about the newest jeans and who is dating who and I get so frustrated. I'm there to be supportive and to talk about adoption. If it's going to turn into a "mean girl" club, I'd rather be at home with my husband and baby. I need to start going back. Even if there is only one girl there that needs someone to listen, I want to be there for her.
No matter my ups and downs, I love adoption.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Day Two, FSA Conference
Day two of the 2001 Families Supporting Adoption Conference went much better for me. My friend Sterling and I went to a presentation given by two birthfathers. I thought they were both very honest about the way they dealt with things. I wish Mike could have been there, they need more "good" birthfathers around.
I can't believe I didn't take any pictures. Well, yes I can...I never take any pictures. I wish I would have though. This year I met Lindsey from The R House (link on the right) and got to know Jessa from Birthmothers 4 Adoption (link on right) better, so that was fun. I also had a blast at the GNO the R House hosted on Thursday night and wish I would have gotten pictures with all the girls I blog stalk!
Last, but not least, here is my most recent picture of Sam. Her Mom texted this to me when she lost her first tooth! Yay Sam! :D
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Day One
It is 2 a.m. and I can tell you, the one thing I want right now is SLEEP! However, after half hour of laying awake I came to terms with the fact that I would not be catching those elusive Z's until I got some of this down on "paper".
Today was day one of the National FSA Conference.
Hmmmm...
I have attended this conference the last two years and I have loved every single second of it. Each time I have met new people, run into old friends and gained such a huge respect for this amazing world that is adoption. This year I got my Mom to come with me and I couldn't wait to share in this with her. I am sad to say I left today feeling...different.
The last thing I want to do on this blog is hurt feelings or offend anyone, but there are things about this year that I am having a hard time with.
One, I went to an adoptee panel. There were for adults on this panel and they did a great job. However, all four were adopted as infants, all four had closed adoptions, all four have yet to find their birth parents, all four are happy with their adoptions and grateful to their birthmothers. This is wonderful...but I really would have liked to hear another point of view. I know there are adults who were adopted at birth that now share relationships with their birthparents and it would have been interesting to me to hear about how that came to be and their feelings.
Two, one of the women who sat on the adoptee panel also taught the next class I went to. To be frank, I felt as if I were sitting through the same class twice. Don't get me wrong, she was a good speaker and she's funny and interesting, but many of her thoughts were the same. Half way through the second class I was frustrated because I felt like I was hearing everything twice.
I went to a "What Adopted Children Need From Their Birthparents Class" and left feeling like this issue had hardly been discussed at all. I DID gain useful information from this class, but maybe not the information I had been expecting. However, one thing that I thought was very helpful was something Valerie said. She said "the one thing I crave from my birthmother is to hear that she loves me and she's proud of me". I love Valerie, I'm a huge fan. :D
At the banquet, which is always amazing, the table in front of me talked straight through dinner...and the speeches...and the awards. Other than the videos the showed about the AMAZING people that awards were presented to, I know very little about what went on there. :(
One highlight of my day was seeing Jared. Jared was my very first case worker when I learned I was pregnant. I moved home shortly after, but for that small window of time he held me together and made me realize things would be ok. I love seeing Jared every year and this year I got to introduce him to my Mom. Awesome!
I go into tomorrows day of conference with an open heart and with hope. I am praying that I am able to get what I need out of it and more fully enjoy my day. I know the members of FSA put SO much work into it and I love them for it.
Adoption is awesome.
Today was day one of the National FSA Conference.
Hmmmm...
I have attended this conference the last two years and I have loved every single second of it. Each time I have met new people, run into old friends and gained such a huge respect for this amazing world that is adoption. This year I got my Mom to come with me and I couldn't wait to share in this with her. I am sad to say I left today feeling...different.
The last thing I want to do on this blog is hurt feelings or offend anyone, but there are things about this year that I am having a hard time with.
One, I went to an adoptee panel. There were for adults on this panel and they did a great job. However, all four were adopted as infants, all four had closed adoptions, all four have yet to find their birth parents, all four are happy with their adoptions and grateful to their birthmothers. This is wonderful...but I really would have liked to hear another point of view. I know there are adults who were adopted at birth that now share relationships with their birthparents and it would have been interesting to me to hear about how that came to be and their feelings.
Two, one of the women who sat on the adoptee panel also taught the next class I went to. To be frank, I felt as if I were sitting through the same class twice. Don't get me wrong, she was a good speaker and she's funny and interesting, but many of her thoughts were the same. Half way through the second class I was frustrated because I felt like I was hearing everything twice.
I went to a "What Adopted Children Need From Their Birthparents Class" and left feeling like this issue had hardly been discussed at all. I DID gain useful information from this class, but maybe not the information I had been expecting. However, one thing that I thought was very helpful was something Valerie said. She said "the one thing I crave from my birthmother is to hear that she loves me and she's proud of me". I love Valerie, I'm a huge fan. :D
At the banquet, which is always amazing, the table in front of me talked straight through dinner...and the speeches...and the awards. Other than the videos the showed about the AMAZING people that awards were presented to, I know very little about what went on there. :(
One highlight of my day was seeing Jared. Jared was my very first case worker when I learned I was pregnant. I moved home shortly after, but for that small window of time he held me together and made me realize things would be ok. I love seeing Jared every year and this year I got to introduce him to my Mom. Awesome!
I go into tomorrows day of conference with an open heart and with hope. I am praying that I am able to get what I need out of it and more fully enjoy my day. I know the members of FSA put SO much work into it and I love them for it.
Adoption is awesome.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Q and A
I got an email at illbelovingyou@hotmail.com the other day. It was from a birthmother I have never met who placed not too long ago. She asked me how I made it through the first year.
Oh my, the first year. I wish I could take the hurt out of the first year for all birthmothers. However, I believe that hurt made me stronger. It's all in how you deal with the pain I suppose.
Well, my bMom friend...let me tell you the truth.
I don't know how I made it through the first year. Certainly with support. I had amazing family and friends and a group at LDS Family services who let me talk it out and cry it out and sometimes scream it out. Also, I am blessed to have an AMAZING adoptive family. Truly, I don't know what I did to deserve them. I saw my sweet Sam often through the first year. They were always willing to let me hold her and love her and I would go home with my hands and clothes smelling like her. I realize not all bMom's have this in the first year, and if you don't...stick with the support.
Also, I think it's important to let yourself be sad if you feel sad. It's ok. Just don't let it take over. If you are too sad to get out or meet up with friends or do whatever else needs to be done...then it's time to find that support.
Also, know that there are lots of us, like me, who are more than willing to email you, chat with you, whatever you need.
Try birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com. There are some amazing bMom's linked to that site, I think you'll love it.
That's all I have for you, I hope I helped. Good luck.
Oh my, the first year. I wish I could take the hurt out of the first year for all birthmothers. However, I believe that hurt made me stronger. It's all in how you deal with the pain I suppose.
Well, my bMom friend...let me tell you the truth.
I don't know how I made it through the first year. Certainly with support. I had amazing family and friends and a group at LDS Family services who let me talk it out and cry it out and sometimes scream it out. Also, I am blessed to have an AMAZING adoptive family. Truly, I don't know what I did to deserve them. I saw my sweet Sam often through the first year. They were always willing to let me hold her and love her and I would go home with my hands and clothes smelling like her. I realize not all bMom's have this in the first year, and if you don't...stick with the support.
Also, I think it's important to let yourself be sad if you feel sad. It's ok. Just don't let it take over. If you are too sad to get out or meet up with friends or do whatever else needs to be done...then it's time to find that support.
Also, know that there are lots of us, like me, who are more than willing to email you, chat with you, whatever you need.
Try birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com. There are some amazing bMom's linked to that site, I think you'll love it.
That's all I have for you, I hope I helped. Good luck.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Birthmothers Day
Birthmothers Day is coming up on Saturday. I know there is controversy around having a seperate day for BMom's and I can see why. We're mothers, why can't we be celebrated on Mothers Day like everyone else? BUT...it's hardly the end of the world and personally, I'm grateful that there is a day set aside to honor us. We did a hard thing.
In honor of Birthmothers day, may I just say...I LOVE being a birthmother. It's interesting to me because becoming a birthmom is not something I would wish on ANYONE. I can not begin to describe the pain I went through to get to this place. It was hard and long and lonely. However, I have a beautiful little girl to show for it and my family circle added 4 new people. I love Sam's family and my life wouldn't be as full without them.
It's been almost 6 years since this sweet face became part of my world. She gave me something to live for. I wouldn't be me without her. Love you Sam.
In honor of Birthmothers day, may I just say...I LOVE being a birthmother. It's interesting to me because becoming a birthmom is not something I would wish on ANYONE. I can not begin to describe the pain I went through to get to this place. It was hard and long and lonely. However, I have a beautiful little girl to show for it and my family circle added 4 new people. I love Sam's family and my life wouldn't be as full without them.
It's been almost 6 years since this sweet face became part of my world. She gave me something to live for. I wouldn't be me without her. Love you Sam.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Alex.
I just wrote a long, heartfelt post about Alex.
Alex is Samantha's older sister. She is also adopted.
After finishing this long, complicated post, I deleted it. I'm not sure why. I guess some of it might have been too close to my heart, some of it too private to share.
But I will tell you; I love her very much. Also, someday I hope that her birthfamily might be a little more involved and she can be at peace with that part of her life.
Today Alex was baptized. It was beautiful. She's beautiful. You've never met a more honest, active, fun girl. I am lucky to know her. I'm also lucky that she lets me and my family be part of her life. She has acepted us. She seems to especially like my Mom and my step Dad. There are pictures she drew for them hanging on their fridge.
Today, I am grateful for Alex. Beautiful, strong, smart Alex.
Monday, April 4, 2011
It's Official!
It is official, I will be presenting at this years national FSA conference. I am so excited and I hope everyone can come!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
