Thursday, October 6, 2011

Am I crazy?

I'm a bit of a mess as of late. My feelings can't seem to get themselves together.

I stopped by The E's (I wont post their last name...I suppose I should give them SOME privacy!) the other day. First of all, can I tell you how much I love the fact that I can just "stop by" their house? I don't do it often, for the same reason I don't do it often to ANYONE. I don't want to interrupt their schedule or catch them in the middle of something. ANYWAY, I stopped in at their house and lucky me, Becky, Alex and Sam were home!

I only stayed about 15 minutes, but it was SO good to see them. As mentioned in my last post, it had been about six months since I saw them last. This was the first time Ava was old enough to play, and she had a blast with Becky's girls.

I was bummed I didn't get to see Ivan, but Samantha's birthday is coming up so I figured I would see him soon. However, I ran into him just a couple of days later at the grocery store! There is a Dick's grocery store just down the street from my house and it so happens that it's just down the street from E's house as well. Have I mentioned I live maybe a mile away from them?

I loved getting to see all 4 members of this lovely family in the space of only a few days.

Now...on to my crazy feelings...

I am sad! Why am I sad?

Maybe because the tiny baby girl I placed is turning SIX in a couple of weeks? That would make any kind of mother a little sad, right?

Maybe it's because seeing Alex and Sam play together makes me realize I want another one, and we're really not in a place right now where that is possible.

Maybe it's because I am hurting for all of the women I know who are unable, or currently unable, to have children. I know some seriously amazing women who struggle with infertility and I hurt for them.

Well, I will just boost up that saddness by remembering that I am blessed with two amazing little girls, an incredible adoptive family and a beautiful open adoption.