Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Birthfather

I just finished reading Sterlings post "Ode to Birthfathers". What a fantastic post! Sterling is one amazing woman and her writing skills are impressive. That post got me crying...and thinking.

Samanthas birthfather is amazing...but it was definitely a journey.

Mike and I broke up early March 2005 after dating for more than six months. We just weren't in the same place anymore. I remember the actual break up clearly. I wont get into all that, but I do remember telling him just before I walked away from him that I thought I was pregnant. I also remember his response very clearly. He said "If you are, we will deal with it together."

A couple weeks later I learned that I was almost 10 weeks along and more than anything I was scared. At about 2 a.m. I drove over to Mike's apartment, woke him up and told him I was pregnant. (This part has become fuzzy to me. I was upset and it was late and I think I have changed some of it in my head so I don't sound like such a crazy face.)

The next few weeks Mike was on and off. He was already dating someone else but he did ask me to marry him and I have to give him credit for that. He wanted to make things right. However, I knew that we weren't meant to be married and I told him no. I told him I was planning on adoption and he told me he wanted to be involved. He was on, he was off. Finally I got sick of begging him to care and chasing him down and I let him go.

I moved back home in May and with four hours between us I was able to move on with my pregnancy plan with support from family and friends. Mike and I spoke ocasionally during the next few months, but he was not involved in the process by his own choice. He didn't tell his parents and at the time I was hurt and angry that he was getting away with this without consequence while I was dealing with it head on.

Now, none of this makes Mike sound like a great person, but he is!

This is what I figure. We were young. Too young. We weren't in love, we weren't meant to be married and we weren't ready to be parents. He dealt with it how he knew how.

Now, he's an amazing birthfather. Really, Samantha is very lucky to have him. He hasn't missed a birthday, he came to her blessing all the way from California! He sends her presents and Christmas cards and heartfelt letters that she will be very grateful for someday. We talk once a year, on her birthday and I respect the man he's become.

So today, i am grateful for Mike, who is an amazing birthfather.


  1. thanks for posting this. i don't think we hear about birth fathers enough. it's so great to see that despite whatever you and mike went through... you still have respect for each other. definite kudos to you guys!

  2. Great post Alli! So glad he is a great birth-father!


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