Monday, November 29, 2010


Another question from a hopeful adoptive couple.

How does having an open adoption help the birthparent heal?

Good question. I have thought long and hard about how to answer. I can only give my own opinion based on my own experience, maybe other birthparents will be willing to share their answers.

Some days, my heart breaks all over again. Some days I miss Sam so much that it consumes me. Some days are hard. What gets me through those days? KNOWING that she is happy. KNOWING that she is loved. KNOWING that she is cared for. I can picture where she sleeps, eats, plays. I've jumped on her trampoline with her, I've read books with her on her living room couch, I've shared meals with her at her kitchen table.

Also, I don't have to wonder if her parents love her, because I see the way they look at her, the way the speak to her and treat her. I don't wonder if she gets along with her older sister because I've witnessed the way they act like best friends.

KNOWING helped me heal. I don't have to worry so I was able to move on.


  1. I completely agree! My heart breaks in different ways, in different times. I still am grieving over the opportunity to be my daughter's mom. But you know what helps fuse those pieces together? Knowing her parents, knowing parts about her life, seeing picture, getting a video. To me she is not frozen in time, a little bundle at the hospital. She is growing and changing and developing and in tandem tht help me do the same!

  2. That's the common theme in the adoption world. Just knowing is key... for the adoptee, knowing where they come from biologically... for the birth family, knowing the adoptee is doing great...


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